Two weeks ago, I decided to hold off on writing and posting about this topic because there was something much larger going on. Regardless of the color of their skin, financial stability, or occupational field, a majority of our world was coming together and hurting.
I’m not going to lie, I was not someone who grew up idolizing Kobe Bryant. However, in the past few weeks, he is all I’ve been learning about during my free time. The countless stories I’ve heard–from complete strangers to those who knew him personally have truly touched my heart. He has inspired people–not just on the courts or in following passions–but on what it means to be a human.
In addition to his immense dedication to his career, he has shown the world what it means to be family and a friend. And for those qualities to be personified so beautifully by one individual has left me in awe. There are so many around the world who will be making this world a better place by looking up to and making him proud. Sending lots of love to all of you and dedicating this to one of the legends who inspires us to follow our dreams without sacrificing the ones we love.
One of the topic suggestions I received was about finding a balance between school/work and personal life/family. And I am definitely no expert on this. But, I truly think I have made a lot of progress over the years. Here are some of the things I’ve done to find balance. I’m a work in progress, and I’d love to hear if any of you have any other suggestions that have worked for you!
1. Reflecting on Your Own Life
For as long as I can remember, I have always been very attached to my family and friends. At the same time, I can get very consumed by my educational and career goals. Especially during my senior year of undergrad and first semester of law school, I made myself believe that sacrificing my personal life to do well academically would be worth it.
However, after my grandma passed away during my second semester, that mindset changed completely. Realizing that I will not be able to see my favorite person, hold her hand, or hear her voice one last time was agonizing. And realizing that I hadn’t called or seen her as much as I should have because I was “too busy with school” was heartbreaking.
I get that school, work and other commitments are time-consuming. And we all have to put a lot of effort and energy into them to succeed. But I decided that that life wasn’t cutting it for me–which is surprising for someone in law school, where it’s like going through a race to get to the top and then having to work 70 or so hours a week after graduation..but oh well, it’ll work out.
I decided that for me, my loved ones–my parents, sister, grandparents, family, friends, and support systems–will always be as (if not more) important to me. I can follow my dreams as much as I want to, but if I’m left living a life without quality time with the ones I love–achieving those goals would not be fulfilling enough for me.
2. Organizing and Prioritizing
After reflecting on how I’ve been living my life and how I want to continue living it, I started putting the pieces together. I know I have to get school work done, but I need to stop beating myself up for getting anything less than an A. I know I crave to keep up with my passions, but I cannot set unrealistic goals of writing posts or creating new dances every other week as a full-time student. I know I need to surround myself with love, but I will not destroy my existing relationships just to fit in time for new ones. And I know it seems like there is so much to do, but I cannot sacrifice my personal health, sleep or well-being to be a “successfully” well-rounded person for the world.
So I organize and prioritize. I have a planner that I fill out at the beginning of each semester after getting my course syllabi. I fill out the daily and monthly sections with my academic schedule, events, assignments, projects, presentations and exams. Then, prior to each new week, I fill out that specific week’s pages with when I will be completing assignments.
I write out my schedules from 7am-8/9pm, and make sure to leave spaces for working out, eating, and personal time. *I used to write out exact times to get things done, but now they’re more just there to motivate me and I’m more flexible/go with the flow. The remaining free spaces show me that I have the time to call family, videochat with friends, or do other fun things. AND SLEEP 7-8 HOURS. Only after I know there’s enough time for the basic academic requirements and my essential personal requirements do I let myself commit to any additional tasks or activities.
3. Making an Effort
I’m known to be horrible with my phone. Partly because I grew up always being very awkward with and not liking phone calls, and partly because I just don’t respond to people when I’m “busy” doing other things.
BUT, that has been changing. I went from being the worst texter in some of my friend groups, to becoming the best (which might not say much)! No matter how busy I think I am, I can take 10 seconds to reach out to a friend to see how they’re doing. I can definitely take 10 minutes to catch up on the phone, and I can even take hours (sometimes lol) to facetime my old roommates. That’s just less time watching netflix or scrolling social media–which I am definitely okay with.
And most importantly, I’ve been taking the time to actually see my loved ones more. Whether that’s driving home more often to see my parents, trying to make it to family events, or setting up trips (even if it’s less than a day) to visit friends.
I can’t keep thinking “I’ll see them after graduation” or “We’ll hang out when we’re making money” because none of us can really guarantee that. I plan on committing my present time and energy to the ones who have always been there for me because we don’t know what tomorrow holds!
4. Expecting Reciprocation…Or Just Letting Go
Although I will always want to commit that energy, I cannot let that energy drain me. Over the years, I’ve learned that the feeling of being invested in a relationship is not always reciprocated. And I used to always try to fix that or think people will eventually change. Staying that invested in such friendships became toxic and really impacted my mental health.
So now I just let it go. I get that we’re all busy, but if I’m taking some time and energy to stay connected with someone, I expect them to do the same. And the same holds true for others’ friendships with me–so call me out if I’m not! We’re all so afraid (myself included) to call each other out on this type of stuff, so let’s become more comfortable in letting people know when they’re not being a good friend!
It obviously can’t be every single day, week or sometimes even every month. But, we all have to try. You can’t expect your friends and family to just wait around for you forever until you have the time for them.
I’ve finally reached a point (still with some difficulty) where when people don’t show me that they care, I just stop trying to think we’re the best of friends, accept that’s who they are, and try to not let it bother me. And for those who become toxic along the way, I just let em go without letting my thoughts or energy dwell on it.
5. Setting Boundaries
I’m writing a whole post on this next time, so stay tuned! But basically, setting boundaries has become something that has positively impacted my mental health and life in general. It is still something I’m working on, but I genuinely believe setting clear and healthy boundaries for myself allows me to do the things I truly need to do and spend my time with those who truly matter.
6. Being Comfortable with the Uncomfortable
The final little tip that I bring up too much (mostly because it’s something I’ve been struggling with again in other aspects of life) is just being comfortable with the uncomfortable.
Is it weird that I’m not doing so many extracurriculars or leadership positions? Do I miss always being surrounded by so many new Indian friends on campus? Is living in a new city and going to a new school uncomfortable?
Absolutely! I am still in leadership positions, doing extracurricular activities, and have met amazing people here. But it’s definitely not the same as high school or undergrad for me. And that has undoubtedly made me uncomfortable.
But I’m slowly learning how to face new situations with new people while strengthening my confidence. And I’ve been valuing my goals, passions, and existing relationships to a whole new level.
Saying no to things so I can sleep, not joining a million clubs so I can focus on school, spending time on my passions and health so I can take care of my well-being, strengthening the quality of relationships rather than always wanting to be surrounded by so many people, and much more.
These are all things I’m learning to become comfortable with because these small changes have been allowing me to focus on what and who is truly important in the world!
