A major part of 2019–and even the whole decade–involved learning how I wanted to live and grow as an individual. For a majority of the year, I was figuring out how to be comfortable in my own skin and what truly makes me happy. And a lot of that involved being alone…and learning to love it even more than I already did!
Being Alone is Not Being Lonely
Something I’ve become more cognizant of after starting my journey with mental health awareness is that a lot of people tend to confuse being alone with loneliness. A while back, I made a post about loneliness and the harmful effects it can have on individuals. However similar it may seem, loneliness is very different from simply being alone.
All of my fellow ambiverts/introverts can relate when I say that I love to have some “me” time–a lot of the time! It is a part of my daily routine, and I need it to function properly.
But for some reason, a lot of people in our community get concerned when I say I’m going to be by myself. When I got a studio by myself–my parents freaked out because they thought I would struggle mental health wise on my own. When I choose to spend nights in, people my age may think I’m not having fun. When I decided to spend one New Years Eve alone, family members gave me sympathetic looks and responses.
^^^But those are some of the best decisions I have made. And I feel connected with the people in my life now more than ever!
For some reason, people associate being alone with being sad and having negative feelings. But we have to help our community (especially concerned adults!) understand that in reality, wanting to spend some time alone does not mean you’re friendless, not having fun, isolating yourself, or lonely!!!
What Being Alone Means to Me
For me, being alone means you’re comfortable with yourself, willing to grow, learning what you want and need to do in life, becoming more confident, taking on more responsibility, finding happiness on your own, conquering your fears, empowering yourself (and others), and being the one to complete your own life!
Or honestly it could just mean you’re getting away from the negativity/overload/social expectations of the world and need to be with yourself, a glass of wine, and unrealistic television!📺🍷
Whatever the reasons or outcomes may be, being alone IS A GOOD THING!
I have been lonely before, and I know for a fact that it left negative impacts on my life socially, academically and personally. However, on the other hand, throughout the years I have found that finding time for myself has allowed me to thrive and find fulfillment in a variety of ways. As long as you don’t feel lonely or isolated, you’re most likely doing yourself a favor by spending time by, for, and on yourself!
Make “Being Alone” What You Want/Need it to Be
The following are some things I use my alone time for, in no particular order. Sometimes I’m doing a mix of this list, and other times it’s nothing at all. I think we can all benefit by taking the time to do some or all of the following; but, we all come from different places and grow in different ways, so it’s important to find what satisfies your own mind and heart!
- Finding the Balance That Works for Me
- Learning About Myself
- Understanding What I Need From Myself and Others
- Setting Priorities and Maintaining Boundaries
- Trying New Things
- Making Time for My Hobbies
- Figuring out My Goals
- Reflecting and Practicing Gratitude
- Allowing Myself to Escape from the Negativities or Realities of the World for a Bit
- Maintaining Peace/Meditating/Relaxing/Praying
- Doing Something Active
- Watching or Reading Something
- Eating a Meal Alone
- Just Resting/Doing Nothing
- Taking Time to Focus on Fears/What Makes me Uncomfortable
- Doing Something That Makes Me (or Someone Else) Happy or Will Put a Smile on My (or Someone Else’s) Face
It’s Just a Part of Life!
The extroverted part of me can’t stand to be alone ALL of the time. I love my family, friends, parties, extracurriculars, dances, etc. too much to live a life with just me and my thoughts. BUT some people do love spending most of their time alone. And a majority of us need some time by ourselves.
High school me would have hated the thought of being alone. Having a meal at a sit-down restaurant, watching a movie at the theater, grabbing a drink/coffee, or anything else by myself that is seen as a social activity intimidated me so much.
But for the past few years I have spent a lot more time on my own–either by choice or due to circumstances. It was definitely a struggle at first, but I have grown to understand and appreciate those moments for shaping me into who I am.
Now, I will do the aforementioned things without thinking about it twice. I’ll willingly stay in instead of going out. I’ll say no to activities and people when I feel socially exhausted. And I’ll enjoy every moment of it!
Learning to spend time alone has increased my confidence, self-awareness, creativity, fulfillment with life, gratitude and so much more! It’s definitely a learning process and I’m figuring out new things about my needs and wants with each new day.
But there’s no way I would have learned so much about my life if my high school fears of not constantly being surrounded by people prevented me from exploring myself.
So let’s all keep taking those little steps that make us uncomfortable to learn more about ourselves and our lives! Don’t do what you think is expected of you, but do what your heart and mind want/need you to do. And if people want, need or ask for some time alone–let’s just give it to them without making them feel bad about it.
We never know what people are going through; and that time alone may be essential in transforming their lives and your relationship with them💞💞
