Take all the time you need.
We know this is hard so please tell us what you need.
We will give you the space you crave
But will always be there with a hug and lots of love.
Just remember to be strong beta.
Don’t hold back those tears and don’t ever put up a front.
You don’t have to play those games with your emotions.
Because it’s never a sign of weakness to shed a tear,
But you will surely become defeated if you bottle it all in.
Keep being strong beta.
For yourself and for your family.
Be strong for each other by being there with one another.
Hold each other tight and accept all that is going on
Navigate through this new puzzle together one small piece at a time.
Be there for your dad.
And together embrace yourselves in this new sorrow.
Be there with your sister.
And together look back upon your memories.
Spend time with your family.
And understand that love always comes first.
Amidst the marathon of succeeding in life,
Don’t ever lose sight of what is truly important.
So grieve for as long as you need to.
And take all the time that may be required.
Don’t put on a fake smile and wipe away those tears
Until your heart and your head are truly ready to move on.
Acknowledge what has happened
And comprehend what all of this means.
Understand that life may not be the same,
But nonetheless you have to keep going on.
Your Ba is your favorite person.
And this is going to be the hardest challenge for a while.
No one holds any expectations,
You just take your time and do what you need.
Do what you need to be strong for yourself beta.
These are the words I wish I got from some loved ones. The words I wish other children got on a daily basis. The world tells us to stop crying and to show it a smile. So that everyone else sees that we are successful and happy and essentially strong in this world.
When in reality, it took weeks of continuous crying, mourning, reminiscing, and loving for me to fully acknowledge what I had been facing. It took several more days of praying and meditating, trying to practice mindfulness to let my mind come at peace. It took months of blogging, dancing, and spending time alone to allow my heart to do the things that it loves. It took even more time of talking—to my sister and my loved ones about memories, what was on my mind, and what was on theirs for me to fully cope with the situation.
That is why I am able to genuinely smile every day, laugh at situations, make jokes, and most importantly be there for my sister. Because I took (and continue to take) the time to mourn and cry, I am able to show my strength to the world. Not by hiding my sorrows, wiping away my tears or faking how I feel—but by acknowledging that I am human and by showcasing all of my natural human emotions.
Instead, I got one.
One hour with my parents.
One day with my sister,
One long car ride to take it all in.
Instead I was told that I had to be strong.
Beta, Be Strong they said
As they told me not to cry.
Be Strong
For your dad
For your sister
For your dada.
They told me to wipe away my tears
And be strong for my Dad.
They said I could not get my last blessings,
Because I had to go back to school.
They said my sister could not go with them
Because there would be no one here for me.
They said they would not leave me alone
Unless I wiped away my tears.
Don’t let your voice tremble and don’t let them see you sob.
Stop being sad and don’t let your mind wander back.
It’s already been a month, and you have to move on.
Don’t let anyone see you weep
And make sure to wipe away every single tear.
Because women shedding tears exemplifies nothing but weakness.
Mask how you’re feeling and show them your smile.
Keep making jokes or distracting them away.
Because all of the pain should not take over your life.
Keep yourself busy and never stop studying.
Because that’s what she would want and it shouldn’t be any other way.
Life is supposed to be full of smiles and all that is good.
So even though you’re full of sadness, we need you to be strong.
Wipe away those tears and show a good front to the rest of the world.
Because being happy and bubbly on the outside means you’re succeeding at being strong in this world.
