For months, you have been bottling things up to yourself.
You finally are ready to talk to someone about what you’ve been dealing with.
As soon as you release everything, you feel about 10 pounds lighter.
And then the person you’re talking to says:
“Yeah, but everyone goes through that!”
The 10 pounds, joined with a few extra, make their way back to your chest.
I love hearing people say that they’ve also been through things, that they know what I’m going through or that they understand. It makes me feel like I am being supported and allows me to know that I am not alone in my struggles.
But there’s a difference between hearing someone say “you’re not alone and there are people here to help you” versus someone saying that “everyone goes through this so you’ll get over it too.”
Yes, every individual in the world is most likely struggling with something. That’s just life and we can’t prevent obstacles from arising all the time.
BUT.
This does not invalidate the struggles you may be facing. What you’re dealing with is real and important.
I may have gone through something similar to what you’re dealing with or I may have never experienced anything like it. Regardless, this is about your life and your own experience.
I can listen. I can empathize. I can give you advice. But I can never invalidate what you’re going through by saying everyone else deals with that too.
Maybe some people do deal with the same things. Some of them may be struggling but putting on a good front. Others may actually have a good handle on the situation.
But none of that matters.
When you’re talking about something you’re dealing with–it’s about YOU. I have no right to tell you what to do to make the situation better.
Life is (or at least should be) far from being a race. No one is (or at least should be) expecting you to be on the same page as the rest of the world.
The world we live in today sets up expectations that are unrealistic and unnecessary. You’re encouraged to look up to the “most successful,” “the smartest,” or “the best.” But there’s honestly no standard of what those words mean. People tell you to do things because that’s the social norm or that’s just what people do.
But how do you know if that’s the right thing to do for yourself?
I love getting advice from other people who have gone through both similar and very different experiences than me. However, I realized what works for me is to just take it as what it is–advice (that I may or may not use).
I spent years growing into a woman I had become proud of more and more every day. Just recently, I watched that growth deteriorate. Life happened and I dealt with things. Usually, that growth continues with each new obstacle I face. But this time, I got sucked into the idea of “everyone goes through that” or “everyone is dealing with something.”
I turned advice into people telling me what I need to do because that “works” for everyone else.
But that was the last thing I should have done.
It took a while, and even though I sunk deeper than I ever have sunk before, I feel like I’m going to continue rising up higher than I ever have risen before.
Because I’m listening to me: my heart, my gut, my mind.
I’m sure “everyone deals with things in school.”
But you don’t have to deal with it in the same way. Just because it looks like everyone has everything figured out (which no one really does), don’t fall into that trap or feel like you have to be a part of it. If it helps to be social, surrounded by people, and involved–do that. If you need to distance yourself, not mask how you really feel, and work on relieving your anxiety–do that. Live a life in school that gives you the balance you need for your personal goals.
I’m sure “everyone loses people in life.”
But you don’t have to listen to what people preach about heartbreaks or toxic friendships. For some people, cutting people out of their lives and learning how to not care anymore works. Others can’t bear to see the friendship or love they had seem non-existent, so they need to stay on good terms. Do what works for your well-being, not what’s worked for your friends.
I’m sure “everyone deals with health issues” and sometimes, it may not be “anything serious.”
But it’s your health, and only you truly know the extent of your symptoms. If having normal lab/test results is all you need, get those done. But if you need more answers because something doesn’t feel right, follow your gut, ask more questions and get different opinions. Do what helps you relieve those anxious thoughts.
You know that we all face struggles and if you bring up how you think what you’re dealing with is unfair or frustrating, I know you’re not suggesting that you’re the only one being targeted. So don’t feel bad about worrying. No one should make you feel like you’re overreacting or that you’re acting like your problems seem worse than they are.
Talk to people who will genuinely listen. Talking and getting their advice will allow you to release your emotions and get various perspectives on different situations. But combining that with listening to your own instincts will make such a big difference.
And then accept what’s wrong instead of trying to mask it with with laughter and unrealistic optimism. Sometimes life sucks and you just have to embrace that.
Embrace it. Understand the extent of it. Deal with it head on. Then tackle it in your own way.
And you’ll likely come out with an unparalleled and genuine optimism and drive in life.
By taking this approach, in just a matter of a few days: I was talking more. I wasn’t crying. I had more energy. I was dancing in front of the mirror again. I was smiling. My chest pain went away. Some of my health problems were getting resolved. I could feel the energy of who I truly am resurfacing.
Only you know what you’re truly dealing with and we all have it within us to bring out what is best for our own selves.
So surround yourself with loving and uplifting people. Read inspiring books or blogs. Watch motivational videos. Talk and listen to one another. But then do what you need to do. Because no one has or is going through exactly what you’re going through. No one else can dictate the path you take or outcomes you’ll face in your life. No one can make you feel like your struggles are any less real than they truly are.
You are valued. Your problems are valued. And your personal journey will always be valued 💕💕
