People seek different types of treatment when it comes to mental health illnesses. Whether you choose therapy or medicine, I think having any form of a support system is a key ingredient for improvement in your well-being.
As I’ve mentioned before, I kept my problems to myself for years. This bottling up of different concerns, issues, and irregular thoughts did nothing but destroy me. The different interactions I’ve had with people–whether negative or positive–have shaped my experiences with mental health. I want to take this opportunity to accomplish two things: 1)thank the people who have helped me get the help I needed and 2)at the same time, I want others to understand the importance of the people in their lives and how they can impact their mental health.
After almost two years of ignoring one of my biggest problems in life, I decided to take another path that involved so many others along the way. These individuals shaped the way I’ve understood myself, the world around me, and life in general. I continue to be grateful for each of these individuals–and so many others–for helping me cope with my daily struggles and for helping me become a better human being.
The first group of people I’d like to thank are those that have already been spreading awareness and are educating others on the important topics revolved around mental health. During my second semester of sophomore year, I enrolled in Psych 270: Intro to Psychopathology. One of the first major topics we talked about was Major Depressive Disorder (MDD). Even though I knew about many of these symptoms beforehand, and although I had a feeling that I experienced many of these symptoms, I didn’t know much beyond what is socially known through stereotypes and the media.
As soon as we started going over the DSM-5 Criteria for MDD, something sparked within me. I was able to relate to every symptom that our professor went over. However, in addition to explaining the different signs and symptoms, she went over examples, how to notice changes, and how to seek treatment. Her compassionate personality and extensive background allowed Professor Gearhardt to successfully relay her messages about mental health to her students.
After the first lecture dedicated to MDD, I attended Professor Gearhardt’s office hours to learn more about the symptoms of MDD. Although she is a clinical psychologist as well, I knew that since I was her student, it would be inappropriate to bring up my own personal concerns. However, from the questions I asked, it seemed as if she could tell that I was concerned about myself. Professor Gearhardt provided me with even more information about mental health and stressed the importance of various types of treatments. The 15 minutes or so that I spent with her truly gave me the courage to accept the fact that I needed help.
Talking to someone who is so sensitive to issues like mental health and who has an educational training in this field allowed me to gain a new perspective on these topics. Accepting that something may be wrong and that I needed to seek treatment was the most important step in my route to a better life. For all those months, I denied that I could be faced with a mental health concern and led myself to believe that I can tackle any of those problems on my own. However, I can’t thank people like my professors enough for giving me the knowledge and courage to understand that there is nothing to be ashamed of.
Stigmas around mental health have been socially constructed and can be stopped with the power of educating others and keeping the conversation going. Because so little was known about mental health, no one in my community chose to speak about it and these problems have always been ignored, I never knew what to do when it personally affected me. However, speaking to my professor inspired me to start creating a change.
A few weeks later, I went home for spring break. On one of the first days, I decided to approach a few of my closest friends with my concerns. I decided to tell them everything–from how I had been feeling to the way I was acting to my experiences with my Psychopathology class. As I’ve mentioned, this is something that is usually not brought up in my community. Despite not being exposed to these concerns as much and probably not knowing how to react, some of these individuals helped accelerate my path towards seeking treatment.
I want to thank people in my life such as three of those friends and my older sister. Those individuals listened to my own concerns, took the time to voice their own concerns and encouraged me to do what was best for me. All four of those people have known me for most of my life (or for many years). They could tell that I wasn’t acting like myself and could sense that something was wrong. I wasn’t talking to them, hanging out or being as bubbly as usual–and I want to thank them for being such good friends and noticing those changes.
Thank you for not ignoring those changes and for letting me know that you care. You guys may have not known what I was going through and some of you never had to help out a friend like this before. But you all pulled yourselves together and knew exactly how to be there for me. Thank you for not letting your personal reactions and opinions get in the way of being good friends. When other people didn’t know what to do and chose to ignore the situation, you were insistent on fixing the problem.
All of you pushed me to seek treatment and wanted what was best for me. Thank you for letting me voice my concerns and for pushing me to finally help myself. Most importantly, thank you for being good friends.
You listened. You gave advice. You did whatever you could to make sure I sought treatment. You found ways to make me laugh. You were there for me like I try to be for everyone in my life. For the first time, I wanted to open up to good friends about something that was so difficult to talk about. And for the first time, I realized how rare it is to have those true friends in your life.
I want to thank the people who constantly choose to ignore my problems and who avoid talking about real issues in life. I used to be the kind of person who liked to please everyone and wanted to be friends with all the people in my life. I’m still always determined to make a positive impact on everyone’s lives and want to be on good terms with everyone. However, over the past year, I’ve learned that it’s not worth it to care so much.
There are people I used to consider close friends, who distanced themselves from me as soon as I started talking about topics such as mental health. These are usually the same people that just enjoy talking about boys, parties, going out, or other social things. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that!
However, I’ve learned that for me, it’s important to be able to talk about other issues–what I consider important issues, what others consider important, and what is relevant or essential to talk about in our world today. When those “close” friends realized that there are times when I’m not that bubbly person talking about food or dancing or friends, one of two things have occurred: 1) they distance themselves, or 2) they ignore talking about the important issues.
At first, I was fine with talking about everyone else’s major problems involving school or relationships and helping them deal with things. However, when it came to me talking about my health, my emotions, or just my uncertainties with life, I was not given the same reactions.
Those experiences helped me realize that whenever I care more than the other person or put in my effort in a friendship, it shouldn’t always be worth it. Those people have taught me that sometimes it’s okay not to love everyone and be so emotionally invested in every friendship. Being left alone when I needed people the most have motivated me to be a stronger person.
It’s true–sometimes people just don’t care.
No matter how hard you work at improving a friendship, sometimes people just can’t change. Those people aren’t worth going through emotional struggles. Constantly thinking about how they don’t care and ruminating over how things used to be can seriously impact your present well-being. I used to think about my friendships for hours every day. I wouldn’t talk to them or take any actions–instead I would sit on my bed and cry over them, get anxious about losing them forever, and create exaggerated scenarios in my head.
Learning how to escape hostile environments where people have theories of dominant status or ideal lifestyles became one of the biggest life lessons for me. I want to thank all of the people who have brought negativity into my life, because they have taught me how to overcome those encounters and how to come out of the experiences as a stronger individual.
When I chose to accept that some people just don’t care as much and decided to stop trying so much, it made all the difference. Another thing that helped was just talking it out with people, because sometimes they may have their own side to the story–and all it takes is a few minutes to solve an issue that silence was initially making worse.
To add on to this, I’d like to thank the people who initially did not know how to react to what I had to say, but ended up being some of my biggest support systems. One of the first people I told about my depression responded by saying things such as “I don’t think you’re depressed” and “At least you got it off your shoulders.”
Initially, those reactions killed me on the inside. I was devastated that someone I considered so close and trusted so much could respond in a way like that. I was expecting a lot more support, wanted him to talk with me more and anticipated more comfort. When all of that was not a part of reality, I was furious.
But it just takes time for some people. Thank you for helping me understand that. A lot of people actually do care–this topic is just so sensitive that it may take them a lot longer to process and understand what is going on. Thank you for helping me become patient with others and for not letting my frustration ruin the relationships I have with those around me. Thank you for opening my eyes to the wide range of possibilities that are there when it comes to how people react to mental health.
A lot of you have found your own ways of helping me through my struggles. Thank you for not changing your personalities, walking on eggshells around me, and for doing what you can to keep me on a positive path! At the same time, thank you for never forgetting that my mental illnesses exist and for being sensitive to those issues. By being there to talk about my concerns, while still being my friends who always make fun of me and joke around, you guys have given me surroundings where I feel comfortable to completely be myself.
Piggybacking off of that, I’d like to thank my roommates. The people you live with can make or break your years. And moving in with two of my now closest friends has been one of the greatest decisions I’ve made in college.
Thank you for allowing me to have a place where I look forward to coming home to every night. Being able to come home after a long day and having people you can vent to, cry to, laugh with, talk about life with, or just sit in silence with can be life-changing. I love living with people who know what to do or say to make me feel better, while still understanding that sometimes I need my own space.
Second semester of my junior year was met with the peak of my route towards improving my mental health–and I owe a lot of that to my two roommates. Thank you for teaching me how to open up more, trust again and understand that people can still be my “beAt” friends:)
Another big thank you goes to my family. Having parents support you during your struggles with mental health can pave the path for what direction your illness takes. Mom and dad–thank you for not being like stereotypical Indian parents and for just being loving parents.
Thank you for listening when I told you what was happening with me. Thank you for not telling me to act like nothing was wrong or that it was all in my head. Thank you for accepting my health concerns like any other health concerns. Thank you for taking a huge burden off of my shoulders and for being there for me when I needed to support of my family to get through things. Thank you for trying to understand mental health and for not ignoring the conversations revolved around it.
I know that it’s so hard to grasp an understanding of a topic that is so stigmatized and unspoken of in our society. You thought that you two were responsible for what I was going through and wanted to know what you can do to make it better. At first, you even thought it might have had to do with school being too hard or me not being able to handle things on my own.
However, with time, you’ve been trying to learn. You’ve done research, you listen to what I (or others) have to say, you don’t let others’ negative opinions impact your view on things, and most importantly, you’ve just been there for me. Thank you for not leaving my side and for allowing me to do what I need to do to take care of myself. Even though we’re taking baby steps together, thank you for taking those small steps every day. Having the love and backbone of my parents and sister is the biggest blessing in my life and you three are the reason I’m able to hold myself together in any situation I come across.
Lastly, but most importantly, thank you to the people who continue to reach out to me with their own concerns. Thank you to the people who reach out with their love and support for my own struggles. Thank you to the people who reach out in any way to keep the conversation of mental health going.
During the past few months, I’ve gotten many questions about why I bother spending so much time blogging or why I would want my personal stories being publicized. I’ve already mentioned my ‘Paying it Forward’ reasoning–this is something that has severely impacted my life, and in any way possible, I would want to serve as a resource and support system for anyone who needs that person to talk to. My biggest goal is to help people and spread awareness, which I have explained multiple times!
On top of that though, this blog has just helped me focus on me. I’ve been so grateful that multiple people have reached out to: open up about things that they’ve been bottling in, find ways to help themselves, and just understand the origins and dimensions of mental health. While grabbing coffee with people or replying to facebook messages, I’ve had many different conversations with many similar underlying themes.
These underlying themes allow me to analyze mental health in even more ways. Being able to give advice to others, talking to other people about their own concerns, and helping people find solutions or relief have all reinforced my initial purpose of starting this blog. It makes me feel so satisfied knowing that people are reading what I have to say and are trusting me enough to talk about their personal stories.
These interactions have helped me understand different purposes I can have in life and are allowing me to use my experiences to help out different communities. Just as importantly, thank you for allowing me to realize the importance of helping myself by helping all of you. When I give advice and don’t follow it myself or when I talk about how I overcame past obstacles but don’t have the motivation to do the same now, I’m able to reflect on how I need to spend time on helping myself too. I tend to not give that too much importance, but talking to all of you has helped me be constantly engaged in doing so.
