“Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames”
― Jalal ad-Din Rumi
I’m not going to lie, I actually first came across this Rumi quote after Will Smith posted a video about it and gave his Philly interpretation of it—which I completely agree with and loved! (Yes, I was a big Fresh Prince fan and am pretty much obsessed with Will Smith SO watch his video because he will always make you smile)
The same week that the quote made its debut in my life, I was fortunate enough to have had interactions (either in person or through video chatting) with three of the people in my own life who fan my flames. These are just 3 people out of many who continuously stand by me on my journey of becoming the best version of myself.
One of them taught me about the importance of SELF-ACCEPTANCE.
One of them taught me about the importance of SELF-CARE.
One of them taught me about the importance of SELF-RESPECT.
But, they all taught me about the importance of SELF-LOVE.
Even though I’m only going to talk about one example of the impact each of these three women have made on my life, they all continue to teach me so many different aspects of self-love. Here are just some of the lessons I’ve learned through these meaningful friendships:
- It’s okay to want to be by myself: When I was first coming to terms with my depression,
I felt lost and completely alone. I did not know who to talk to and felt nothing but disappointment after any conversation I did end up having. Even though she was a new friend at the time, without having to do or say much, Piumi stood by my side the entire time. Mental health is a complicated topic to discuss. Yet, she always found the right things to say to make a big difference in my life. From the beginning up until now, one of the most important things she has helped me realize is that it’s okay to want to be by myself. Sometimes, I need to be alone with my thoughts or a good book. In the past, I felt as if I needed to completely surround myself with people to feel happy. However, I slowly realized that being alone helps me achieve mental and emotional satisfaction. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with going to a movie by yourself or having a nice dinner for yourself. And sometimes, you may just want to be in your room without talking to anyone. Things like that used to make me so uncomfortable before, but now I don’t mind it at all—and at times I need it! Piumi and I are basically the same person when it comes to certain things. Being able to have conversations that are typically uncomfortable to have with others
gives me such a reassuring and satisfying feeling. She makes it so easy to accept the way I am without feeling any guilt or regret. Even more importantly, she never makes me feel like I’m alone in any situation I am going through. It’s so fulfilling to have people in your life who understand what you’re going through and who encourage you to find the personal satisfaction that is necessary for the way you are wired to be! - It’s okay to still have fun: One of the first things I made my myself believe when I was struggling was that I was not allowed to have fun anymore. My grandfather had just passed away and I told myself that I would never laugh, go to parties, drink, eat meat, smoke—basically anything that a normal college
student did. I still follow my commitment of never smoking or eating meat because that’s a promise I made to myself and my Dada for health reasons. However, there’s nothing wrong with having a glass of red wine once in a while (if you know me, yes I know it’s more than once in a while 😛); there’s nothing wrong with dancing at a party with friends; and there’s definitely nothing wrong with laughing. Those are things normal 20 year olds do—and Shravya helped me realize that there is nothing wrong with having fun with my life. We always joke around that she corrupted me when I was a junior in college. However, that’s only a joke—she did not corrupt me! Instead she helped me become more relaxed and spontaneous. I had a tendency of overthinking and stressing too much about things not getting done. Obviously, that just made everything worse. By going out—for food, drinks, to dance, or just to talk with friends—I became a much calmer student. That year was also my best year grade-wise. My dad once asked me what I was doing differently that year and that I should keep doing whatever it was. I straight up told him that I was going out and hanging out with Shravya more. And he said to keep doing that because it made such a big difference. She didn’t just help me go out more—she helped me relax, let loose, and see the bigger picture of things. I was always so caught up in problems, school and my organizations that I forgot about my loved ones. Just
by talking to people like Shravya, I realized that those friendships and relationships were so much more important. She taught me that people on different paths in life actually have so much in common and that by simply having conversations, you can learn so much about your similarities, your self, and your life in general. It’s so fulfilling to have people in your life who encourage you to understand the importance of having a balance in life in order to prosper as an individual. - It’s okay to believe in myself: One of the hardest things for me to do was have faith and confidence in myself, my goals, and my life. One of my high school friends and I used to act like we were so full of ourselves and had so much confidence. However, we later talked about how we both did that because we were probably very self-
conscious on the inside. Which I can now admit, because I know that was true! I’ve had ideas and passions that aren’t the norm and are not easily accepted by everyone around me. Not always living their “normal” way of life or having what they believe are “straightforward” ideals always made me doubt myself. I’ve mentioned this before—I have cared waaaaaay too much about what people thought or said. And I definitely let that dictate part of my life. But then I met someone who now probably believes in me more than I do myself. I always knew my parents and sister believed in me more than I did myself; but I always thought that it was because they’re family and they had to. However, living with Janki helped me understand that I do have so much potential and that there are so many other people in my life that have faith in and support that potential. We tell people that we’re basically soulmates—and not because we complete each other—but because I honestly feel my complete self when I am around her. There is nothing that I can say or do that would make me want to second guess myself. Without judgment, she encourages whatever it is that I set out to do. Whether it’s a ridiculous idea or not, Janki will somehow make it seem like it’s possible for me to accomplish. She will become one of my biggest fans and will never stop 
cheering me on. Whether it’s giving me my space, making me laugh, following me around all day, going months without talking, or skyping for 8 hours straight, she has redefined friendship for me and has become a constant rock throughout it all. It’s so fulfilling to have people in your life who enable you to restore the faith and confidence that you should have in your life.
I have done some things that so many people, including I myself, have questioned. However, these three don’t care how ridiculous my plans are. They think I’m crazy or take on too much sometimes; but nevertheless, they’re still supporting me. They hear me out, may or may not understand, and then motivate me to do whatever it is that I have to do. Without judgement.
I can go weeks or even months without talking to them. However, when I see them, I can talk to them for hours and it feels like nothing has changed. I don’t have to physically be by their side every day to feel the power of their friendships. People have made me feel so bad about being bad with texting or meeting up all the time in the past. However, these three are either just like me or are understanding about why I was like that. They know when I have things to do or when I’m very stressed; and they respect that. They know that our friendship is not going to be ruined by minor hurdles.
For some past friendships, I used to feel like I put in more effort than the others. For the first time, I feel like I may be putting in less effort. It should never be the case that one friend puts in more effort than the other. Friendship is a two way commitment—and one of the most important commitments in my opinion. These three have made such a positive impact in my life and I feel so blessed to have people like them who continue to be simply how true friends should be.
It’s great to have people to go out with and do fun things with. But at the same time, it’s essential to surround yourself with people who respect you, nourish you and inspire you. These are just three of those people in my life who do just that—they’re the ones who fan my flames without asking for anything in return. I hope to fan even half the amount of flames that they do for me—because everyone deserves to have people who help them set their lives on fire <3
